A key point in Nice Guys and Players and Sexual Chemistry is that women tend to place men into four different categories for dating and relationship purposes. The categories are as follows:
Mr. Goodbar - Select. Handsome with good looks and body build. Raw sex appeal
Masked Men - Select. Don't have the raw sex appeal of Mr. Goodbar. May be handsome with good body build. Main attraction is above average income and status.
Nice Guys - Non-Select. Bland and clueless. Lacks raw sex appeal. Women keep them as platonic friends.
Gamesmen - Non-Select. Lacks looks, money, or sex appeal. Can get women only through tricks and persistence.
The following scenarios are from my book Sexual Chemistry in which one woman, Melissa, interacts with men representing each category of man. Melissa represents the typical woman’s response to the four categories.
Mario lived with his sister and her family though the relationship is strained. Mario can’t keep a steady job and when he does work it’s usually in a low-level retail job. Mario is 32, has a slim build, about 5’9”, and gives the impression of being lazy. Mario thinks he’s a serious ladies’ man. He spends a lot of time around shopping malls trying to talk to young girls.
One day, on the way to the job he’s had for two weeks, he sees a shapely woman by herself at the bus stop. Mario puts on his best mack as he approaches the bus stop.
“Hey lady you look good. My name’s Mario. What’s your name?” Mario asked while trying to look cool.
“Um my name’s Melissa,” Melissa answered hesitantly.
“Damn you wearing that suit,” Mario said while looking Melissa up and down and lingering on her thighs.
“I’m surprised your husband would let you out dressed like this. If I was your man I would be driving you to work,” Mario said as he moved closer to Melissa.
“My husband had to leave early today and my car is having some work done,” Melissa said as she tried to inch away from Mario.
“Husband? How come you ain’t wearing no ring?” Mario asked as he continued to move closer.
“I was in a rush this morning,” Melissa said as she looked around for the bus.
“If I had my car I would take you to where you’re going,” Mario said as he licked his lips. “I let my sister use it though.”
The bus finally came and Mario sat next to Melissa and kept talking. He told her he was a store manager and that he was the man on his job. They reached Melissa’s stop in the business district and both got off.
“I thought you worked across town?” Melissa asked.
“I do. I just want to get those digits ‘cause I want to holla at you again.”
“What about my husband?”
“What that got to do with me?”
“Well, since you put it like that I’ll write my phone number down for you. I have a private phone at my house my husband doesn’t answer.” Melissa wrote down her phone number. “Call me tonight.”
Mario watched Melissa walk into a coffee shop while still admiring her body. He then caught the next bus to his job hoping he wouldn’t get in trouble again for being late.
Inside her office Melissa told a couple of co-workers about Mario and how she lied about having a husband. They found it funny that Mario didn’t care. Melissa said, “I can’t believe he thought I found him attractive.”
That evening Mario told his friend Chuck about Melissa while drinking some beers.
“That freak wants me to call her tonight but I’ma wait a few days,” Mario said.
“You gonna hit that dawg?” Chuck asked.
“I’ma hit that from the back.”
“What about her man?”
“That’s her problem. If she’s good I’ll take her from her man.”
Mario didn’t see Melissa for a few days. He decided that she had waited long enough. He dialed her number and heard the following, “The number you have dialed is not in service.” Mario realized that instead of him playing Melissa he was the one who got played.
The Nice Guy Scenario
This scenario picks up where the last one left off. Melissa is still having a good laugh at Mario’s expense. One of the people Melissa shares the story with is her co-worker, Rodney. Rodney is 6’1” with a slim build. He presents as being shy and repressed. He doesn’t stand out in a crowd. Rodney has been interested in Melissa since he joined the firm. Rodney decides to ask Melissa out.
“Hey Melissa. That story you told me still has me laughing,” Rodney said as he sat down in front of Melissa’s desk.
“Men are so weak sometimes,” Melissa responded, barely looking up from her work.
“Well…all of us aren’t like that. Many of us are perfect gentlemen who have been raised to treat ladies with the utmost respect.”
“I sure wish I’d meet one.”
“Sometimes they are right in front of you.”
“No they are. Melissa, I, um, what are you doing this Friday?”
“Nothing. Why do you ask?” Melissa asked as she finally looked up at Rodney.
“Well, I, um, would like to take you out.”
“On a date?”
“I’m flattered you want to take me out and Lord knows I haven’t been out in a while but…”
“But what? You just said you haven’t been out in a while.”
“Rodney,” Melissa sighed. “You’re a nice guy but…”
“You don’t want to go out with me do you?”
“No I don’t.”
“There are several reasons. The most important is that you are my buddy. I can talk to you about anything. I don’t want to mess that up.”
“Shouldn’t couples be friends anyway?”
“There’s more. Even if it wasn’t an issue of friendship there’s the issue of us working in the same office. My rule is to never date anybody I work with.”
“What if I got a job somewhere else?”
“That’s another thing. I hate to sound shallow but I’m looking for a professional man. I worked hard to get my degrees, my car, and my townhouse. I want a man with as much as I have and more.”
“I have a college degree and I’m a good worker.”
“I’m sorry I just need more. I hope this doesn’t hurt our friendship. I enjoy being able to talk to you.”
“I’ll always be there for you. I hope you’ll change your mind one day.”
“Rodney, don’t wait for me. You’re a good man. There’s a very nice woman waiting for you somewhere out there.”
Rodney left Melissa’s office wondering why she doesn’t give him a chance.
The Masked Man Scenario
Melissa is at a gathering of young professionals. The men at the function and their credentials impressed her. Melissa had been told since she was a child to get a professional man. She always had trouble meeting this type of man. Now she was in a room full of them. Melissa is sitting at a table listening to the jazz music when Brendan Whitfield approaches her. Brendan is 5’10” with a medium build and average face. His hair is freshly cut and he has a neatly groomed mustache. He is wearing an expensive designer suit and shoes.
“Is this seat taken?” Brendan asked.
“No it isn’t,” Melissa responded. She thought he had some potential even though he is not as handsome as she would have liked.
“May I join you?”
“Please. Have a seat.”
“My name is Brendan Whitfield,” Brendan said as he extended his hand.
“I’m Melissa Silver. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Melissa said as she shook Brendan’s hand.
“Are you enjoying yourself?”
“Been okay so far. Yourself?”
“I’ve talked to a few people but they weren’t very interesting.”
“They were talking about trivial things. I’m here more for business.”
“So you sat next to me to discuss business?”
“For you I’m making an exception. I have to say that you are very attractive and you look like you’re going places. That’s a great combination. If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do everyday?”
“I’m an account manager with a P.R. firm. Yourself.”
“I’m an in-house attorney for a company downtown.”
“Really,” Melissa said as her interest started to rise. “I’m downtown as well.”
Melissa and Brendan talked the rest of the evening and then exchanged business cards. They agreed to meet for lunch the next week.
Brendan and Melissa spent a lot of time together the next few weeks. They went to dinner at several fancy restaurants and saw a couple of plays. After a month of seeing each other they slept together for the first time. Melissa was disappointed. They slept together a few more times and the disappointment grew. Brendan during this time began to act more and more distant. Finally, he stopped calling. Melissa didn’t really mind. She discussed the situation with Rhonda, one of her co-workers.
“You haven’t spoke to him in a few days?” Rhonda asked.
“No. I hate to say it but I really don’t miss him,” Melissa said.
“You said he had a lot going for him.”
“Yeah…but…I don’t know. He wasn’t that cute but he had all the right degrees, a house, and a car. He said all the right things but there was just something missing.”
“Do you know what it was?”
“I don’t know…well…maybe there’s something.”
“Well, don’t keep me in suspense.”
“He seemed superficial about many things. I mean, he talked about his job a lot, his car, his house, but not a lot, if at all, about his personal feelings. It seemed all we did was go out to different restaurants and events but we never really spent time alone…except for sex.”
“How was that?”
“He wasn’t that good. It was a letdown to be honest. It’s like once you get past the money, the status, the possessions there was nothing there. There was no raw passion with him. It’s like without his props he’s nothing. Like he was wearing a mask.”
Mr. Goodbar Scenario
Melissa was sitting at her desk when she noticed a new man delivering mail to different offices. She was immediately attracted to him, which surprised her. She asked some co-workers about him. She found out his name was Stan Davis. He was a muscular six-footer with almond shaped eyes and a sexy walk. He had just started in the mailroom. She smiled at him every time he dropped mail at her office but he just nodded and kept delivering mail. One day after a few weeks Melissa stopped Stan to talk to him.
“How’s it going today?” Melissa asked.
“It’s a’ight. Just doing my J-O-B,” Stan responded.
“Do you like your job?”
“It keeps my bills paid. This ain’t the only thing I do though.”
“What else do you do?”
“I do some modeling and I DJ too.”
“Just something to do. I’m saving up money to start a clothing store.”
“I didn’t know that about you.”
“Well you really don’t know me.” Stan said smiling.
“I guess not.”
“You can get to know me better if you fix me dinner this Saturday night.”
“Now how do you know I can even cook? Wait a minute. We’re talking for the first time and you’re talking about coming over to my house?”
“So you want me to bring anything?”
“You’re a trip. I haven’t agreed to have you over yet.”
“I see how you look at me so I figured I’d be coming over at some point anyway. Why delay the inevitable?”
“You’re so full of yourself,” Melissa said with a big grin on her face.
“Naw, I just like making beautiful women smile.”
“Thank you for making my day. So what time are you coming by?”
“I can be there by seven. Is that good for you?”
Stan and Melissa have dinner about eight that Saturday night and have sex about eleven that same night. Melissa is in a state of bliss afterwards. They never had a steady one on one relationship as Stan informed her that his focus is on his side businesses and also that there are other women in his life. Melissa is amazed that she is even involved with Stan. He goes against all off her rules. He was not a professional, he worked in her office, and he is not interested in a monogamous relationship. She doesn’t care because Stan is like rich chocolate who makes her feel good all over.