How Women Choose Men

A key point in Nice Guys and Players is that women choose the men. A man must take his time to understand this concept. There are four ways in which women choose men.

A. Body Language

The most common way a woman chooses a man is through body language and other non-verbal techniques. The average woman is not going to walk up to a man and express a romantic interest in him. Women are more indirect than direct. Pages 22 through 26 of Nice Guys and Players outline the primary ways a woman will show her interest. The woman is hoping that the man will pick up on her interest and make the “first move”. I used quotations because in reality the woman has made the first move in an indirect way.

B. Aggressive Women

A growing percentage of women are directly aggressive in pursuit of the man of their choice. On one hand this is good because it takes the guesswork out of the equation. The man KNOWS this woman wants him. If she is appealing to the man he can seduce her easily. Actually, she is the one doing the seducing. On the other hand there are problems with this. Two types of women are directly aggressive. One is a woman who is desperate and the other is a woman who tends to be controlling. The desperate woman will be easy to have sex with but in all likelihood other problems will surface which will indicate the reasons she is desperate. Generally avoid this type of woman unless you REALLY need to get some and even then don’t let her know where you live. A truly desirable woman will not be desperate as she has several men to choose from.The other type of aggressive woman is one who will be controlling. A man will never be happy with a controlling woman because at some level she doesn’t like men. Women choosing men in an aggressive manner is an obvious example of women choosing the men.

C. Availability

A woman may not give a man any signals and she may not be aggressive. Also a man may see a woman and do a cold approach. He may think he is the one doing the choosing but he’s not. No matter what the man thinks, the woman is still choosing. For example, a man approaches two women in a day. These women have not provided any initial indication that they were interested in him. The first woman he approaches doesn’t look at him and keeps walking at a brisk pace. She doesn’t want to be bothered. The second woman stops and talks with the man in a friendly manner. The difference in the two scenarios is that the second woman made herself available for the man to approach. Availability is simply a woman making it easier for the man. This is especially true when a man already has a woman’s phone number. With the advent of caller ID and cell phones women give out their numbers with more ease these days. In many cases a woman feel it is easier to give a man her phone number just to get him out of her face. They usually give the correct phone number because if a man sees her again he can’t accuse her of giving him the wrong number. She can, however, refuse to take his phone calls and then play it off later. A woman is exercising choice by returning phone calls, talking to the man on a consistent basis, and being available for dates. For example, a woman may talk to a man on the phone but will always be busy when he suggests getting together. For another man she will always be available for any of his suggestions. She is thus exercising a choice.

D. Society

Women as a group express their choice when there is a consensus on which men are considered attractive and which are not. Primarily peer groups and the media shape this consensus. An example in the case of peer groups is when a group of professional women in a book club decide that the ideal men are those who are professionals with good credit who are at least 6 feet tall with athletic bodies. As women are affected by the perception and opinions of their peers, a woman in this group will typically want a man who fits the group’s criteria. A short, pudgy man with bad credit working as a part-time mechanic will not get the time of day from the women in this group.The media also shapes a woman’s choices. The ideal man for many women is the same type of man they see on television and in movies. Men who do not reach that ideal are not chosen. Subconsciously, women see the men and situations in the media as being real even though consciously they may know better. Their subconscious says this is what men are supposed to be like. The subconscious takes the information it receives as real. As a result many women have a romantic view of how men are supposed to behave. A man who doesn’t behave this way is not chosen.

Learning to recognize the choice.

A man must learn how to recognize the choice. A practical exercise in this regard is going to a nightclub or any other place where there are men and women and simply observe the dynamics. A reasonably intelligent man should be able to pick up on women choosing different men. Another exercise for a man is to simply be quiet and pay attention to how women generally behave around him in everyday situations. He will get an idea about who finds him attractive. An important aspect of a man learning how to recognize the choice is to get out of the habit of going for the first woman he thinks is fine. The man in this regard should learn to enter a particular situation and observe everything going on. An exercise in this regard is to go into a club and purposely wait a half-hour to an hour before saying anything to a woman. In this way the man develops the patience necessary to pay attention to what’s going on and he also learns to calm down and think rationally as opposed to being led by his libido.

The man’s choice.

Most men, when told that women make the initial choice, think they are powerless to get the woman of their choice. What a man doesn’t realize is that he has more power. When a man chooses a woman SHE has the power. He has to meet HER conditions for dating. He mistakenly thinks that he is convincing her with dinners, flowers, and shopping sprees. She has total control because SHE has what he wants and she has decided a price, which in all likelihood she hasn’t shared with him. Only when he pays HER price does he get anything. Men are deluded when they think they are choosing the woman. Think about the following statement:

If men were doing the choosing, would a man voluntarily spend money, lie, cheat, and steal to have sex with a woman? He would get with her on HIS terms and not hers. Valentine’s Day would not exist. Indeed, a major part of the economy would not exist.

When a man acknowledges that women choose the men and acts on this knowledge he gains power in several ways. One, he stops wasting time with women who do not want him. He can focus his energy on women who do want him. A man will gain power because once a woman chooses a man she will tend to always want that man and in many cases will do what it takes to get him. The key here is realizing that though a woman chooses, the man must accept the choice. For example a woman sends signals to a man and he ignores her. Women by nature do not give up easily once they want a man. She will try harder to get his attention. He becomes a challenge to her and many women prefer a man who presents a challenge. A smart man will see this and will be able to get anything out of her. There is a role reversal in a sense. The woman will be doing everything in her power to convince him to choose her. In this way a man is dealing with a woman on HIS terms. Now a man may feel like he may not want the woman who will choose him. He wants who he wants, choice or not. There are two ways of looking at this. One is that he will have trouble with a woman who hasn’t chosen him. She is not going to date him anyway and if she does she will try to use him. Two, in many cases the woman who chooses the man is somebody the man will want. This brings us to a key point of Nice Guys and Players:


A man is working to become the type of man that the average woman will be inclined to choose.

A reality is that women want supermen. They want Alpha Males. This is going to be the case regardless of all the intellectual nonsense in the media. In fact, if you pay close attention to the media this is what you see. The media images are based on a woman’s primal desires. If women desired short, fat dumpy men that’s what we would see in the media.